The biggest question, of course, is the big "what now?" And the joyful answer is, "I have no clue." I say joyful because life suddenly seems like a grand adventure, in some respects, as if the cloud over my eyes has been removed and now I see things clearly. Now, this is in many ways an exaggeration, in the sense that I now see things so clearly that I realize that I know far, far less about the world than I thought I did (although certainly more than I did last Friday), and yet still retain all of my old knee-jerk reactions as if I do. But I suppose it's a step in the right direction.
The other answer to the "what now?" can, I believe, be found in scripture. For instance, in realizing how little I know about the world, I am beginning to realize that all of my ideas about money, sex, discipline, morality, all of them need to be re-prioritized. I don't mean this in some legalistic, "if I don't do this I won't get into heaven" sense. That would be silly. But, having come to the belief that Jesus Christ died for our sins and calls upon us to follow Him, I believe that it would be foolish for me not to examine, and examine seriously, that implications of that.
On issues of money: does God REALLY care if I buy the latest computer game instead of using that money instead to feed a starving family? Well, I would guess the answer is that it does indeed matter. I'm not saying that the implications of this say much about the state of one's soul, but I think that these are issues that I should consider. I guess the crux of the matter is that now I feel it is important to examine why I am buying various things. I'm not suggesting I'm considering divesting myself of all worldly possessions and living like an ascetic. Merely that now it has become something to at least think about.
On sex: well, let's face it, without God, it's really hard to find too many strictly human moral arguments against sex before marriage, divorce, and pornography. And yet God clearly cares about these issues, as they are mentioned regularly in the bible (well, pornography is merely implied, but the implication is not exactly subtle). Thus I find I must do pretty much a full reversal on the issues: not as to how I judge those who engage in them, but how I treat them in my own life. I don't feel guilty for how I dealt with these things in the past: I wasn't a believer then, and had no reason to behave any differently. Unlike actions such as murder or theft, these are sins that aren't exactly readily apparent to the nonbeliever, and thus it was what it was. That said, I no longer have any excuse.
On discipline: I find myself in a very much undisciplined state of late. I have far too much free time on my hands, and I don't often use it so well. However, with the accepting of God into my life, I now must acknowledge that the gifts I have been given are tools which He means for me to use for the furtherance of His kingdom. Now I must practice more not merely to better myself on my instrument, but because it is a gift from God. Discipline also implies the ability to maintain faithfulness even when God's presence is not readily apparent. Four days ago I had what I would call a revelation of the divine. But things will not always be so (I am assuming). I will likely go through long stretches of time without being given such concrete indicators of His presence, and thus must learn faithfulness as an end unto itself.
On morality: for most of my life, "situational ethics" and "relativism" were pretty much the status quo. But the reality is that there is an ultimate moral standard. I must allow this standard to challenge my own concepts of morality, even when they are at odds with what I am used to. Not an easy thing for me, given that I'm fond of following my own judgment. I'm not saying that reason must be removed from the picture, far from it. Without reason we can hardly hope to interpret scripture adequately. But also, without humility, it is just as impossible.
All of these are merely first impressions on some basic issues. Of course at first blush, it seems mostly "negative": I need to change such and such, this or that is wrong, and so forth. And yet in many ways it is quite liberating. The reality was that the way I was living wasn't working, wasn't bringing me happiness, or even basic contentment. Now I feel that even in times of trouble, I will have hope for the future, and the realization that when I fall, God will always be there to catch me. It's a start, anyways.
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